[continuation]

[skinofalizard]

[really doesn't know how to take that]


((from here))

Comments

[headcannon]

I daresay none would fault you for that.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Yeah...maybe.

[stands there for a bit more, but eventually moves to break the hug]

[headcannon]

[Lets you go rather slowly]

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[taking a couple steps back, equally slowly]

[but is smiling so that's a plus!]

[headcannon]

You needn't go on my account.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[sitting on the edge of the bed. IT IS AWKWARD TALKING TIME]

So...this. Was--was it a one time thing? Or...?

[headcannon]

Ah, yes. I--

[Does the David equivalent of running a frustrated hand through his hair, which is... standing very still for a minute, looking sort of left and downish, before coming to sit on the edge of the bed as well]

This is-- It is both complicated and not. I want to... explain myself, before I answer that properly.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Go ahead.

[headcannon]

[Does the stillness thing again]

There is... I've someone who is very dear to me. He is, however, not here. And even if he were, we were not... bound exclusively to each other. With that in mind, I've decided that I will... not exclude myself from becoming engaged with others, while I am here.

I don't feel that I can truly offer you... or anyone... any hope of something lasting, just by very nature of this place -- one day either I or you will leave, after all. But, while I'm here, I--

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Nothing lasts forever, no matter what universe you're in.

[headcannon]

That's true.

I suppose, moreover, what I meant was that I've no real intention of promising myself to any one person. Not only because the Admiral would most likely be most distraught -- [grins, slightly, the sobers] -- but also because I see no practicality in it, given the constraints of the situation.

I realize, though, that makes me sound incredibly... shallow, and I don't necessarily mean to be. I would be more than happy, and truly honored, to do this with you again. But I don't want... to be unfair to you, after a sense.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[this is a sadface]

I...I don't know.

[sighs, and laughs sort of dismissively at himself]

I guess should have found out before making out with you, huh? It's one thing to not be exclusive before you get serious, but...As much as I hate tradition for tradition's sake, I think I like that one. Monogamy, I mean.

[headcannon]

I am... honestly deeply sorry to hear that. I'm afraid it's not something I've ever been good at.

Though, I've perhaps never had reason to try, particularly.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

I...I don't want to force you to make that kind of choice.

[headcannon]

Mm, that's quite kind of you, of course.

I suppose it's not that I would be... completely adverse to the idea in general, merely that... [Cannot help the tiny smile again] I would feel very bad about the Admiral. He seems so honestly surprised, and delighted, whenever I do not recoil from him in horror at his form. I'd not like to put myself in a situation where I could not... provide him that comfort.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Wait--you mean ZEX?

[headcannon]

Indeed. I must admit that it is completely not surprising to me that you know him.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Yeah, he's uh...he likes my tongue.

[headcannon]

[Laughs]

Yes, I imagine he would. He does seem to delight in differences.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's definitely true.

[headcannon]

And so, I want to... be able to return that appreciation, for him. One of the first conversations I had with him was post something very much like the mistletoe, only it compelled confessions of love, instead of kisses.

He was, as you might imagine, very distraught. He'd been so sure he'd found someone -- several someones, by the sound of it -- that actually cared for him. So, when they came to their senses and were instead repulsed by him...

[waves hand] I can't help but want to be able to soothe that, in whatever small way that I can. Which is why I cannot truly promise monogamy to anyone else -- and I imagine he'd not want it, besides.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

That's actually kind of...sweet. In a weird sort of way.

[headcannon]

[Shrugs] Or perhaps merely a selfish impulse. Some days I am not entirely sure.

Like now, for instance.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

I'm really not trying to make you feel bad about this. Or trying to force a decision, or anything. I mean--it's not like we're dating, right?

[headcannon]

Not as of yet, I don't believe.

And... [reaches out, brushes his hand over your cheek like he could brush that look off your face by doing so] Please, don't feel badly -- if I am deliberating, it's by choice. Please do believe that as Marquis, I am not quite so malleable that I could be forced into making such a ...petty decision, if you'll forgive the term.