[itp: no drama, just blatantly breaking the rule in the name of science]

[skinofalizard]

[knocks on David's door]

Comments

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[sighs]

It should be easier than this, shouldn't it? This choice...it should hurt, but...it shouldn't be hard.

[headcannon]

...Why not? [Reaches out to touch your arm lightly]

Please understand, I'm not trying to be... overly difficult. It's-- [sighs] You care for me, do you not?

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Of course I do.

[headcannon]

[Nods]

And I, you. Deeply.

But I feel very similarly about ZEX -- being faced with having to somehow convince myself to only feel that way about one of you is then difficult. I don't see how it couldn't be.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you agree with ZEX, then...

[headcannon]

Mm, I'm not sure he's told me his opinion on the matter.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure he just wants all three of us to go on together.

[headcannon]

...Hah, well... That does seem in character for him.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

So...you know what I want, and you know what ZEX wants...

What about you?

[headcannon]

Yes. I know. Now is the time when I'm supposed to state what I want that will cause this puzzle to resolve itself.

But it truly is not that simple. What I want is to find a solution that doesn't leave anyone unhappy. And I am... not terribly optimistic about that. I can't choose one of you over the other, and I can't choose both of you, as that is not what you want and therefore not what I -- or, I imagine -- ZEX wants, truly.

And so, I find myself stuck.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[runs a hand through -- over -- his...carapace thing. dammit old habits die hard when you're frustrated]

[seriously, seriously frustrated. he's not saying anything, but he is standing up]

[headcannon]

Leaving?

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Is staying going to lead to anything but us going around in circles?

[headcannon]

[Sighs]

I don't know. But I do not want you to leave either, not... like this, I suppose.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

How do you want me to leave?

[headcannon]

Less upset, ideally.

[Stands as well, reaches out]

Would you come here?

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[shrugs lightly, but remains where he is]

You're trying to keep from hurting anyone, David, but...waiting hurts, too.

[headcannon]

...I see. [Drops his arm]

Then, I suppose I've more thinking to do.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[he, though, seems to have made a choice too

you're getting a sad hug now]

[headcannon]

[hugs tightly]

I fear I've left everyone waiting so long that everyone's bound to be unhappy.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[rests his head on your shoulder]

Yeah.

[headcannon]

[Does not seem very interested in letting you go]

...May I be completely, vulnerably honest for a moment?

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[pulls his head back enough to give you a 'why the hell do you even think you have to ask you retard' look

only maybe not quite that harsh]

Of course you can.

[headcannon]

[Because being vulnerable is generally a bad idea and one I have been trained out of]

When I think of you... leaving, turning around and walking out, I feel-- it's very much like fear. I'm not quite sure what to do with this feeling. I ...am afraid.

I think that I have done something -- rather, not done something -- and that I am going to regret it deeply.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[wow that's MEAN you can't just SAY THAT to a sixteen year old what is WRONG WITH YOU]

[rests his head on your shoulder again, and just stands there]