Victor and Julian are bros and will (hopefully) always be bros.
BUT NOW! Victor has a lot of things going on. Both related and unrelated to the "special mistletoe" (because everyone believes that, Julian).
NON-MISTLETOE RELATED:
Victor talked about feelings! Victor doesn't talk about feelings unless it's in an incredibly dismissive way. Julian has already promised more feelings will happen, and Victor is already 100% for sure going to do everything in his power to never talk about feelings with Julian again. At least, not his feelings. See, Victor is keenly aware that Julian is super fucked up, so he does not want to add his own fucked up-ness to Julian's list of Things. On top of that, he does not ever want to be seen as someone that can't be counted on by his friends when it comes down to it, and he kind of thinks Julian is sort of thinking that already, after the dragon crop circle thing, so he is double against talking about his feelings. So: talking about Julian's feelings = A+ talking about Victor's feelings = F----
ALSO he is not sure if Julian was serious about Sofia knowing about/being worried about him not being okay, but he's really not okay with it either way. Because either she knows he's not okay which is sad because she's from so far in the past that she shouldn't have to worry about that crap or he was joking about it because he thinks it's So Obvious which wouldn't be okay either because Victor really does try to act like he's okay most of the time.
MISTLETOE RELATED STUFF:
I am actually sort of working out where Victor is on this right now so this may be rambly and even contradict itself sometimes just bear with me (this applies with the above stuff too, but especially so here)
All right, so. Victor really enjoyed both the make out and the dry humping, and is keenly aware that he should feel a whole lot worse about it than he does. And then Julian started acting so cavalier about it after the fact and he doesn't know if he actually thinks that it was mistletoe induced dry humping or if he thinks that if he acts like it's not a big deal then it isn't a big deal.
Then there's the possibility that he enjoyed it more than he let on himself. Victor is like. 9...1% sure Julian is 100% straight. He's 80% sure that Kinsey Scale rating from back when was just fucking with Julian, but he's also 100% sure that wasn't any sort of mistletoe induced dry humping. And even if it was, that sure as hell wasn't a mistletoe boner. Both times.
So yeah, Victor really enjoyed it. Especially when Julian was topping but he's not sure if he enjoyed it because it was Julian or because letting someone else take control for a bit is a really good feeling when you're constantly trying to make sure everything (seems like it) is okay, or some combination therein.
So, to conclude: He's never going to talk about his depression to his mostly straight friend that he maybe has feelings for.
I need some sort of essay on the same topics back.
no subject
Victor and Julian are bros and will (hopefully) always be bros.
BUT NOW! Victor has a lot of things going on. Both related and unrelated to the "special mistletoe" (because everyone believes that, Julian).
NON-MISTLETOE RELATED:
Victor talked about feelings! Victor doesn't talk about feelings unless it's in an incredibly dismissive way. Julian has already promised more feelings will happen, and Victor is already 100% for sure going to do everything in his power to never talk about feelings with Julian again. At least, not his feelings. See, Victor is keenly aware that Julian is super fucked up, so he does not want to add his own fucked up-ness to Julian's list of Things. On top of that, he does not ever want to be seen as someone that can't be counted on by his friends when it comes down to it, and he kind of thinks Julian is sort of thinking that already, after the dragon crop circle thing, so he is double against talking about his feelings. So: talking about Julian's feelings = A+ talking about Victor's feelings = F----
ALSO he is not sure if Julian was serious about Sofia knowing about/being worried about him not being okay, but he's really not okay with it either way. Because either she knows he's not okay which is sad because she's from so far in the past that she shouldn't have to worry about that crap or he was joking about it because he thinks it's So Obvious which wouldn't be okay either because Victor really does try to act like he's okay most of the time.
MISTLETOE RELATED STUFF:
I am actually sort of working out where Victor is on this right now so this may be rambly and even contradict itself sometimes just bear with me (this applies with the above stuff too, but especially so here)
All right, so. Victor really enjoyed both the make out and the dry humping, and is keenly aware that he should feel a whole lot worse about it than he does. And then Julian started acting so cavalier about it after the fact and he doesn't know if he actually thinks that it was mistletoe induced dry humping or if he thinks that if he acts like it's not a big deal then it isn't a big deal.
Then there's the possibility that he enjoyed it more than he let on himself. Victor is like. 9...1% sure Julian is 100% straight. He's 80% sure that Kinsey Scale rating from back when was just fucking with Julian, but he's also 100% sure that wasn't any sort of mistletoe induced dry humping. And even if it was, that sure as hell wasn't a mistletoe boner. Both times.
So yeah, Victor really enjoyed it. Especially when Julian was topping but he's not sure if he enjoyed it because it was Julian or because letting someone else take control for a bit is a really good feeling when you're constantly trying to make sure everything (seems like it) is okay, or some combination therein.
So, to conclude: He's never going to talk about his depression to his mostly straight friend that he maybe has feelings for.
I need some sort of essay on the same topics back.