[itp: no drama, just blatantly breaking the rule in the name of science]

[skinofalizard]

[knocks on David's door]

Comments

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[sighs. the direct route is probably the best one to take, here]

What are you going to do?

[headcannon]

I... have not quite decided, to be quite honest.

More to the point, I am distinctly uncomfortable with the choice being left to me, alone. I know the both of you wanted me to consider my own feelings as well, but even so I am far from the only person involved, and as such, don't feel this is something I can decide without your input.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

That's not what I'm trying to do. I just...you need to figure out what you want, before anything else can be done. I mean...you know how I feel about you, and about this...thing. I don't know what ZEX has said, but I'm assuming you know his feelings, too. You're the only one that's still a question mark, here, David.

[headcannon]

Am I? Then, my apologies for not adequately communicating my feelings to either of you. I'd thought--

...I suppose it doesn't matter, how I'd interpreted my actions, if they were not read as such. Forgive me.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

I can't talk for ZEX, but...all I know is that you like us both and don't want to hurt either one of us. That's--great. I don't want to hurt anyone, either, but...it's not possible, sometimes.

[headcannon]

Yes, precisely.

However, I find I am completely unprepared for such a situation. I've no lack of experience in making difficult choices, but rarely ones that are so... personal. I'm sorry to say that it's not a choice easily, or quickly, made.

It's not a choice I particularly enjoy thinking about at all, to be quite honest.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

It's not one I'm thrilled about, either. Hell, I've never even had a boyfriend, before. You were my first kiss!

[small smile]

Who knew what I was getting into.

[headcannon]

It's become rather complicated, hasn't it? For that, I do apologize.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

You were worth it.

[was that past tense? oh shits it was]

[headcannon]

Ah, you've made a choice of your own, have you?

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[sighs]

It should be easier than this, shouldn't it? This choice...it should hurt, but...it shouldn't be hard.

[headcannon]

...Why not? [Reaches out to touch your arm lightly]

Please understand, I'm not trying to be... overly difficult. It's-- [sighs] You care for me, do you not?

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Of course I do.

[headcannon]

[Nods]

And I, you. Deeply.

But I feel very similarly about ZEX -- being faced with having to somehow convince myself to only feel that way about one of you is then difficult. I don't see how it couldn't be.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you agree with ZEX, then...

[headcannon]

Mm, I'm not sure he's told me his opinion on the matter.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure he just wants all three of us to go on together.

[headcannon]

...Hah, well... That does seem in character for him.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

So...you know what I want, and you know what ZEX wants...

What about you?

[headcannon]

Yes. I know. Now is the time when I'm supposed to state what I want that will cause this puzzle to resolve itself.

But it truly is not that simple. What I want is to find a solution that doesn't leave anyone unhappy. And I am... not terribly optimistic about that. I can't choose one of you over the other, and I can't choose both of you, as that is not what you want and therefore not what I -- or, I imagine -- ZEX wants, truly.

And so, I find myself stuck.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

[runs a hand through -- over -- his...carapace thing. dammit old habits die hard when you're frustrated]

[seriously, seriously frustrated. he's not saying anything, but he is standing up]

[headcannon]

Leaving?

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

Is staying going to lead to anything but us going around in circles?

[headcannon]

[Sighs]

I don't know. But I do not want you to leave either, not... like this, I suppose.

[skinofalizard.livejournal.com]

How do you want me to leave?